Reflections, resolutions, and limitless possiblities
It’s that time again—the end of one year and the beginning of a brand new one. Time for those resolutions and goals. Lose weight, write the book, change careers, nurture relationships. Let’s see…hmmm….looks like last year’s list and the year before that and the one before that. You get the picture.
This was me. All the intentions and motivations for change soon forgotten in the vast space called life. Always living in the urgent, the dreams I had so hoped for went to the “for another day” list trying to keep up with the daily onslaught of problems and plans—usually someone else’s.
The year started out with great intention but, no plan, and a mindset of fear, frustration, and deep sadness.
Struggling against situations and circumstances, I felt conflicted because I knew that those goals and dreams were inside me but the movement toward them always gave way to whatever was currently happening in life.
For me, it was 18 years in a toxic work environment. Every day I went through the motions, telling myself to suck it up, it’s a great-paying job with retirement and health benefits—which I really needed because what happens when stay too long out of alignment with your true self (values)–you don’t plant well.
Burned out with health issues, relationships suffering, every day became one rolling stream of time that blended with the next day and the next. Mentally, I was in depression. Physically, I was pushing myself to look good on the outside; spiritually, I was dead. It’s difficult to even plan for goals and dreams in this state of whole body, mind and soul bankruptcy.
I had been whoever you needed or wanted me to be. I didn’t understand that when I was created, my God designed me for good, for love, for peace and for a life based on desires from deep within. In survival mode most of the time, I would just blend in, do what I needed to do, and keep moving from one bad choice to another.
I could make all the lofty plans and goals for my future every year, but, the conflict within sabotaged them before I even started. I found myself in roles I never could “fit” into—over and over again.
When I finally reached the end of myself, I surrendered to God all of my problems, my plans, my pain and sought help through spiritual mentors and professional practitioners. I released the out-of-control lifestyle and took back my life for the dreams and goals that had been buried for so long.
I was finally able to break free from toxic work situations and relationships to design a life based on my God-given personality; my core values.
Then I discovered my strengths or gifts (we all have them). All of life became different. I was different. I could see beyond the fear, the self-doubt, the lies I adopted as truth about myself and the world.
Getting to this place where I know who I am, where I’m going (most days), trusting God, and staying honest, is an ongoing trek that continues one day at a time.
Finally, knowing myself with the faith that God destines us all for certain purpose, plans and dreams, all the other areas of my life began to fall into place. I started moving in the direction of the goals that had shown up on my list year after year.
Resolutions? I don’t make them anymore. I still make a goals list and I don’t always hit them. But today, fully aware and fully alive, there is no huge disappointment. I see where I could’ve done better and I let the past go.
It’s a new year. Limitless possibility, hope for the future, and gratitude for the year that has passed.
Happy prosperous, healthy, love-filled New Year!