Happy Holidays to Friends and Family CategoriesThe World According to Helen

Happy Holidays to Friends and Family

Happy Holidays to Friends and Family:

I’d like to share with you a Xmas letter we received from a “friend” this year.

Hi Gene and Helen.

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I’ve been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand-painted it in gold leaf, got out the loom and made a blanket in peach and mauve, then, to make it complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I just had sitting around in my craft room. By then, it was time to start making the placemats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I’m serving our old standard 12-course breakfast. I moved the tables into the dining room, but decided to repaint the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars onto the ceiling. While the homemade bread was rising, I took antique cradle molds and made the dishes to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can get at almost any Hungarian craft store.

I have so much else to do! Blanch the carcass from the Thanksgiving turkey, spray paint gold and turn upside down to use as a sleigh to hold holiday cards. Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing message for answering machine. Collect dentures. ( They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crust.) Install plumbing in a gingerbread house. Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last-minute holiday shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are. Happy Holidays

My Response:

Thank you for your uplifting letter. I am writing this on the back of an old shopping list. Pay no attention to the coffee and jelly stains. I’m 20 minutes late picking up Alexa and boyfriend from the airport, with one hand on the phone with Animal Control. Seems old Quinn, our rescue beagle, needs bailing out again. Burnt my arm on the curling iron when I was trying to make those cute curly fries. How do they do that? Still can’t find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes. Tried to use an old disposable razor… trashed the tablecloth. Tried that cranberry thing; frozen cranberries mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave. Oh, and don’t use Fruity Pebbles as a substitute in that Rice Crispies recipe unless you like food that resembles puke! Smoke alarm going off! Happy Holidays.


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Helen was born in St. Paul, Minnesota. She was raised in New Jersey and after graduating from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa, became a professional fundraiser. She was employed by the United States Olympic Committee, working for the Olympic Council on Sports Medicine. Subsequent to that, she was the Regional Director for the Muscular Dystrophy Association in New York City. Helen now resides in Mechanicsville, Virginia, with her husband of 36 years, Gene and her rescue beagle, Quinn. She has an adult daughter, Alexa, and a four-footed “grandson” Zander, an equestrian show jumper whom she is bankrolling in order to keep him in the manner to which he is accustomed.