Reflections: 28 Years as a Military Spouse
What was it like to be a military spouse? In a word, difficult. Marked by sacrifice. My husband, for most of his career, was in Special Operations, in one of the most highly deployed units in the country. He was absent for many, many birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas holidays. He was in every major conflict involving the US from the time he entered the Air Force in 1985, including Somalia, Panama, Bosnia, Iraq and Afghanistan. He was away for long stretches of time during these deployments, and often I didn’t even know his location as he was not allowed to divulge, and I can only imagine the dangerous situations he was in. With that said, this is the career he chose and he felt very strongly about serving his country, and got a great deal of satisfaction from it. He is proud of his service and I am proud of him for serving and for the motives that compelled him.
When I remember the young man I met 35 years ago, during the first week of freshman year of college, I never in my wildest dreams would have thought my life would have ended up in this way. He was a pre-med student at the University of Pennsylvania, I was in art school in Philadelphia, both of us very driven, and with lots of our own plans for the future. By the time he made a decision to join ROTC in his sophomore year, we were already in a meaningful relationship. I had my doubts, I knew what this meant: a sure military career, which did not fit my picture of the future. My plans were very different, yet so far in the future. At 19 we naively thought we would just work it out. Well, needless to say, the way my life unfolded doesn’t begin to resemble the plan I had as an ambitious young college student with nothing but possibilities in front of me, but isn’t that the same for most of us?
A year ago this Memorial Day, my husband retired from the US Air Force. We were married in 1986, so I was a military spouse for 28 years. This life tested our marriage at every turn, defining and challenging us for so long, it is hard to believe it is over.
The end of the experience left me very reflective. I couldn’t help but go back in time and remember how it all began, how I didn’t know what I was getting into, how love makes you brave and willing to do whatever it takes to be together, including changing your whole life and revising all of your own dreams.
If there is one valuable thing I have learned through the challenges, it is to appreciate what you do have and not define your life by pining for what you do not. What I got was an interesting life. It certainly was not boring. We traveled a lot, learned from and enjoyed that experience, saw the world. I admire my husband’s dedication and service and have a huge respect for other military personnel and families. I truly believe they represent the best of our great country, and I witnessed that up close and personal. And our daughter, while she missed her Dad, also learned about service and sacrifice and is proud to be a military kid. One of the most touching moments of our lives came a year ago today at his retirement ceremony, over the Memorial Day weekend. Our daughter is a very talented vocalist and she sang the National Anthem, a cappella, to a completely silent and respectful room filled with my husband’s family and colleagues, while the honor guard lowered the flags representing the United States, the State of Virginia, and the US Air Force. Doesn’t get any better than that. A fitting end to an honorable career. The hard times are over, the pride remains strong.
By Cherie R. Blazer
Cherie is a late bloomer Boomer, born at the tail end of the Boomer generation. She was playing with Barbies while her older sisters marched on Washington and fought for equal rights, but watched and learned. Now she is an empty nester with a whole new future to explore and share at www.BoomerConnections.com! As “Philosopher in Chief” Cherie merely wants to change the world with this blog: to encourage those of us in the midst of our “second act” to look at life with new eyes, open to a life filled with new beginnings rather than endings, and to apply all we have learned to a way of living that is more meaningful and profound. There is SO much to live for, up until the very end.